My word for April is Enjoy.
So often, I find myself getting bogged down in projects that I created for myself and some weeks I am bursting with passion and just can’t wait to get started on something, and other weeks I avoid it like the plague, distracting my time with thinking about boys, drinking wine, hanging out with my girlfriends, and ignoring the nagging voice in my brain saying “you’re not doing enough, you’re not doing enough”.
What would happen if instead of getting mad at myself for enjoying myself I instead reveled in it and truly lived in the moment, enjoying myself and having fun?
The other day I was in New York City and I decided to treat myself to a spa day. My body had felt out of alignment the past week and I hadn’t been treating it as kindly as I should – I was having a drink almost every night, not drinking enough water, eating things like pizza and cookies that make me feel unhealthy and self conscious about my body – so I decided to treat myself to a day at the spa and a massage.
I started out the morning with a lox bagel and then got a manicure and pedicure at a nail salon next door. I had to catch myself several times because instead of truly enjoying myself I kept worrying about how much money I was spending, if I truly needed a pedicure or not, what I was going to do next, what time my massage was and if I had enough time to relax in the spa beforehand, etc, etc.
Then, I stopped myself and thought “Wait, Leya, how often do you do this? NEVER! And you’re doing it! So why not truly relax and enjoy the moment than worrying about how much money you’re spending”.
It’s as if deep down, I didn’t believe I was worthy of this treat.
After realizing this, I was able to relax more into my ME day and every time those thoughts came up (and believe me they kept coming up) I had to remind myself and repeat the mantra:
I am worthy, I am living a life full of abundance, I accept abundance and goodness into my life. I am deserving. I am worth it. I am enough.
It shocks me how easy it is to get back into negative thought cycles and how our brains constantly want to see the bad in something good when on the outside, it seems amazing and the only thing that keeps us from feeling amazing is not ALLOWING ourselves to truly enjoy.
So with that, my commitment in April is to recognize these thought patterns and instead of feeling guilty for not doing the things I think I SHOULD be doing, but rather allow myself to let loose and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.