Good morning loves and happy Diwali!
Today is a special Indian holiday, called the “festival of lights” and people have decorated their houses with colorful string lights all over and keep shooting off loud fireworks throughout all hours of the day and night that sound like gun shots to me (the joys of being an American).
Later tonight, we are going out to the town to enjoy the festivities. I expect there will be chanting and dancing and lots of fireworks.
I just finished a breakfast of papaya and bananas and poha (a type of flat rice) after doing an Osho meditation this morning on our day off.
It was the most unique meditation I’ve ever done – you do a series of 5 stages before sitting down to meditate including heavy breathing, shouting/laughing/crying, jumping up and down, standing in stillness, and dancing.
It was good at some parts, not so good at other parts, and was pretty exhausting.
We finished the end of week 3 of our program and our bodies are EXHAUSTED. The three hours of yoga every day and all of the vinyasa flows are definitely catching up to us and I feel my body just needs REST.
On the other hand, it feels like this program has flown by and I can’t believe there is only a week left.
This next week will be busy as we have to teach our first class by ourselves, complete the entire Ashtanga sequence by ourselves (which took us 3 weeks to learn) and study up because our final exams are on Saturday.
I had a really powerful week, full of ups and downs, but mostly personal victories.
learning to put myself first and say no
I had a situation come up this week where someone who was once very close to me was trying to contact me and was manipulating me to stay friends with them, even though I know for various, personal reasons I do not want to be friends with this person.
I care for them very much, but I know it is not in my best interest to have them around in my life at this time. I have always been worried about hurting them and our relationship was very much a give/take (me giving, them taking) and finally I just put my foot down and told them “i don’t want to be friends with you”.
I felt good about this because for the first time in this relationship, I chose myself and I didn’t feel bad about it.
I’m so proud of the growth I’ve made, especially in regards to this relationship.
I feel strong in the sense that now I just know myself better. I understand myself more. I’m not going to let somebody else dictate how I feel. I know who I am and what I want from this life. I understand my purpose in this life.
understanding my purpose
In our philosophy class, we were talking about reincarnation and how there are two types of souls that come to earth.
One are the karmic souls, the souls that had to come back to earth to work out past lives’ karma and who have deep lessons to learn.
The second are voluntary souls. Souls who didn’t necessarily have to come back to earth, but who wanted to come back to help others through their journey and help raise the consciousness of earth.
I’ve always felt that I am in this second category. I’ve had multiple healers and psychics tell me that in this life I am here to help people and that I will help a lot of people, simply by being myself.
I truly believe life is a gift. Life is meant to be enjoyed. “Live your best life” is not just a cliche phrase to me, it’s my ongoing mantra. The work that I have to do is continue getting out of my own way so that I can live this truly and freely.
I was sitting at a cafe, sipping on a “lemonvera” (lemon, aloe vera, ginger) and journaling about this and was staring off into the Himalayas and was feeling so full of joy and peace.
How beautiful and magical this life is and I am so grateful.
Later that day, we were in our meditation class and we were doing a concentration technique where you notice the coolness of your breath coming into your nose.
This was not interesting to me, so I abandoned it and started doing abundance affirmations. I just started repeating high vibrational words and after awhile, I started to feel this energy pour into my whole being. I could feel it in my hands, my heart, my chest, my throat, and the crown of my head.
The energy was so intense, I could barely keep my head straight and kept leaning my head all the way back and could feel it pour into my throat chakra.
It was a true, energy orgasm.
Afterwards, I felt all light and drank almost half a liter of water and just felt so incredibly open. It was such an interesting experience.
This week, I also went to an ayurvedic doctor for a consultation. He also said I have very good karmic energy in this life, but I just need to focus on controlling my emotions and not being too “lazy” which I think refers to my physical weight, lol.
yoga is dead podcast
I’ve been listening to the “Yoga is Dead” podcast because it was recommended to us by our philosophy teacher and I recommend it to anyone interested in yoga, especially if you live in the west. It’s a much needed perspective and voice on the accessibility of yoga.
letting ourselves feel happy
I’ve also been thinking a lot about privilege and the fact that humans naturally want to create problems so they can suffer. We are always worrying or complaining about something. Nothing is ever “good enough” for us. I think this comes from a block where a lot of us don’t actually let ourselves be happy and feel good. Even when something is going amazingly in our lives, we can’t let ourselves fully enjoy it because we’re so worried it will go away or that something bad will come our way. I say this, because I know I do this to myself.
Perhaps, think about where you do this in your life. Where are you holding yourself back from feeling good? Do you treat yourself well? Do you allow yourself to feel pleasure?
Going back to how we don’t let ourselves feel good and are addicted to suffering, I wrote a note about some thoughts on self-love and how absurd it is that it has become normal to hate yourself and radical to love yourself. Read it here.